wants and needs; the difference.

we all have wants, that's for sure. if we didn't i'm pretty sure we'd be a bunch of veggies on our bed doing nothing. you can't live with out wants. whether we fulfill those wants.. is another story. we all also have needs. that's a given. the need for food. for sleep. the need to be needed. and the need to be wanted. some of those might not apply to all of you. heh. our needs keep life moving, keeps things interesting. but of course.. not by themselves. the mere need to eat, doesn't make us do so. it's the mix of want and need to make up life. [NEXT TOK QUOTE?!] it's the exact proportions of how much we "want" to fulfill our needs that make them have there importance. so in this spiral of wanting needs, and needing wants.. where does action come in? the actual result of the compelling force that drives us? what a fundamental question that is. sometimes it isn't enough to know "why" we do something, but instead a commonly forgotten part is figuring out "how" we do what we do. for example. when i get stuck in a rut. the going-through-the-motions sort of mood. i remember the days i didn't feel like this, and i also remember "why" i did what i did. "to please my parents" "to get good grades" "to keep my friends happy" but i never remember "how" i was able to do the things i did to accomplish those goals. i use to get online and have these wonderful conversations with my buds and end the night at 1 am without a lick of sleep and feel as alive as anyone else might feel. but in that rut, i can't remember how i did that. i would find myself online, and end up hiding invisible, not to hide from a certain someone or to avoid some conversation; instead to hide from everyone and to avoid all conversations. i'd stare into my past and look onto myself as another person.. feeling jealous at my mere ability to ramble off, happy as a clam. in short (and as stated above..) i knew why, i just didn't know how. i was lost.

so now, i find myself here. not lost. not in a rut. but on a road. a metaphorical one of course; i have no laptop.. and it's nighttime, the high beams are on. and in the distance i find something that most people would probably switch into reverse for. but me? naw. i keep going. i'm not lost now, or in a rut. but i can't guarantee the future. i'm no seer.

there are somethings that are a definite blur between want and need. and of course there are some that are only debatable by the most fervent of us. (wow, i love when my brain runs ahead of me; i typed the word fervent not completely knowing it was a word.. or what it meant. but i used it correctly! woot. it's not even one of those crazy odd words, but still. odd.) i have a list of wants and needs. as most of us do. learning guitar, finishing homework, hanging out with friends, fund raising for Light the Night, finding a girlfriend, losing some weight, gaining some muscle, learning morse code, finishing posters, starting college apps, finishing scholarship application, keeping in touch, making origami, keeping happy, keeping others happy, sleeping, smiling.